Courage In A Bottle
by theologygirl
Summary: Clarisse & Joseph. Set during PD2. Everyone thinks that being a Queen comes easy. It doesn't. It takes a heavy toll.
1. Chapter 2

A chicken situation in the Throne Room! How utterly ridiculous! Not in all her years as Queen of Genovia had such a spectacle occurred.

Clarisse had expertly smoothed over the situation as best as could be hoped for, but inside she was cross, humiliated and embarrassed. How could Mia have done such a thing? She shook her head as she removed her tiara, almost carelessly dropping it on the dressing table, followed by her gloves. She quickly shed her white suit jacket, feeling only slightly cooler in the silk camisole underneath. Sinking to the vanity bench, Clarisse held her head in her hands. Mia would never be ready to assume the throne, and she would be forced to carry on herself, alone, for years to come. She moaned; she couldn't handle this today.

She suddenly found enough energy to get up and go into her closet. Moving a few boxes she found what she was looking for and smiled. It was going to be all right. One sip and everything would be all right again.

-0-0-0-0-0

The reviewing of the royal guards had been a complete disaster. 'Herbie', the secret wooden leg, had been exposed. It was only Joseph's good intention to help the Princess, but unfortunately his concern created more humiliation as Herbie slipped off the saddle and into his hands. The vile Viscount Mabrey had laughed and laughed. She could hear it even now. They may as well just hand the crown to him right now and be done with it. Mia had cried, and had been inconsolable most of the day, not even Joseph could cheer her up.

He had stopped by earlier in the evening to discuss the day's unfortunate events. It had been uncomfortable to not talk about his proposal, but she hadn't had the energy or the heart to have that conversation. They had only spoken briefly before she suggested that she had to get back to the mound of paperwork still on her desk. He had bowed and bid her goodnight. The tears overwhelmed her and she brusquely wiped them away. Why did these days have to be so hard? She needed something to take the edge off, just a little bit and it would be all right again, just a little bit would see her through.

She went back to the closet, and poured a small glass and downed it in one gulp. She leaned against the wardrobe, clenching and unclenching her fists. It would be better in a moment.

-0-0-0-0-0-

After a heartfelt chat with Nicholas, Clarisse formed a plan of action for Mia to get to know her future subjects. A garden party was the ideal choice for the time of year and the goal to be accomplished. No detail had been spared for a perfect afternoon: food, drink and wonderful music was all provided to the guests, all that remained was Mia to make connections and win over the people. Clarisse had one glass of champagne to celebrate the impending success of the afternoon. As she sipped it she realized that she hadn't seen Joseph at the party, and that Lionel seemed to have the honour of protecting her today. Strange, she thought, Joseph seemed to be around less and less these past few days. She'd have to seek him out after dinner.

Then Mia, the incarnation of bad luck, or so it seemed, had struck again. Sopping wet, she walked by the Queen and into the palace to put on dry clothes. Clarisse shook her head, and wondered how such a wonderful afternoon had turned into such a disaster. She declared the party over and left with her entourage, Charlotte, Olivia and Lionel, to go back to her suite. After changing into more casual clothes, promising Charlotte she'd have the dispatches done by dinner, she dismissed them all, claiming to need a short nap. After they'd all left, she headed to the closet, quickly moving the boxes and grabbing for the bottle, one gulp, then two. She closed her eyes, a measure of peace settling over her.

-0-0-0-0-0

Mia came to her Grandmother's suite later that evening. She had been summoned, and dreaded the confrontation she knew would come.

"When are you going to start acting responsibly?"

Mia sighed, here comes the litany of faults, she thought, and she was right. Yes, she knew she wasn't supposed to 'lose it', but this was all new to her – her grandmother had years of practice to be perfect, to find it when everyone else was losing it. How did she do it, anyway? How did she keep it all together in one terrific package? Honestly, Mia didn't believe she'd ever make as good a queen as Grandma Clarisse.

Clarisse was thinking the same thing herself as Mia stormed out of her suite. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Despite Joseph's confidence in her, Mia didn't seem to be making much progress. Joseph. He hadn't stopped tonight on his nightly rounds to say goodnight to her as he usually did, and it was well past the hour when he considered it decent to come to her suite. She smiled inwardly. After all these years, he still cared about protecting her reputation. She looked down at the tray the maids had left. Perhaps a little shot of something in her tea would take her mind off things and help her sleep.


	2. Chapter 3

The day of the annual Genovian Independence Day Parade had arrived. Clarisse woke up to bright sunlight shining on her bed, and squinted and buried her face in the pillow. Only Olivia's insistence that she not be late got her out of bed and ready for another royal public appearance.

The red silk jacket and jewels made her looked pale and washed out. A little extra makeup was in order today for sure. Clarisse stared at her reflection in the mirror. Was it her imagination or was she looking tired and old? Must be all the stress of preparing Mia to be Queen, she told herself, applying lipstick and eye shadow a bit more liberally than normal.

As Clarisse climbed into the Carriage beside Mia, she didn't make eye contact with Joseph. He had narrowed his eyes when he saw her, taking in her appearance: the tired look, and the extra makeup. Something was not right, but now wasn't the time to inquire. He made a mental note to check up on her later.

However, later turned into several days. The Security Team was busy preparing the arrangements for the Princess' slumber party, the visit of many the royal guests, albeit young princesses. Joseph didn't have much time to see Clarisse, let alone inquire about the reason for her fatigue.

The Slumber Party had not seemed like a good idea to Clarisse, but she knew that her presence was important to Mia and so she prepared herself for the screams of the young princesses and all their silly chatter. Mia had especially asked Clarisse not to miss the talent show portion of the evening, and that had her worried. The last time, Clarisse had been shamed into performing a song at Mia's 18th birthday party, and she had felt embarrassed. Queen's don't do karaoke, she reasoned. She assumed tonight would be more of the same, and she wasn't really up to it. Perhaps a little encouragement before she went down to the party might help. As she reached into the wardrobe to retrieve the bottle she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She quickly looked away, not bearing to see the tired, worn look, and undoubtedly more lines than yesterday. When did she start looking so old?

0-0-0-

To take advantage of the soundproofing, Joseph joined Shades in the security room, and they tuned the cameras to the ballroom. Clarisse hadn't mattress surfed in years, and yet there she was joining the youngsters in the somewhat dangerous diversion. That didn't seem like the woman he knew, abandoning decorum in front of not only the princesses, but most of the staff as well. Why was she acting so strangely?

His concern was heightened later in the evening when he watched her onstage singing. He had often heard her sing over the years, but this music was definitely not her style. What was going on? Even Shades cast him a questioning look. When the staff was beginning to wonder about the erratic behaviour of their monarch, that definitely was not good. Something had to be done.


	3. Chapter 4

With only two and a half days left before the wedding the whole situation was more than she could bear. Joseph had walked away from her, out the door and effectively out of her life. It was her fault, duty over love was all she knew how to do, and this time it was costing her dearly. Why, when she was finally in a position to have it all, was she walking away from the man who loved her, and whom she loved more than life itself? She couldn't think straight; she couldn't reconcile in her mind her own actions. It was just too much to take all at once.

She stumbled up the stairs and to her suite, closing the door behind her and collapsing on the other side. The tears fell, and sobs racked her body. She forced herself to get up, her mind telling her that the only way through this mess was to get a drink, or two. Tonight it was likely to be the entire bottle; and she didn't care. The liquid gave her comfort, it calmed her, brought her a sense of peace and tranquility. It made her forget. Forget that she was queen, and more importantly, forget _him_.

0-0-0-

Joseph wandered around the palace grounds for hours, hands stuffed in his pockets, eyes bleary from tears. There was definitely something wrong with Clarisse, he had not misread her feelings for him that badly, surely to goodness. The love they'd shared over the years had blossomed and grown until both had confessed undying love and devotion to the other. Now, out of the blue, she'd pushed him away with a flimsy excuse. Of course Mia needed her grandmother, and so too did Genovia, but the two didn't need her exclusively. It was ridiculous. Clarisse hadn't been herself lately, what was going on with her anyway? Perhaps he shouldn't give her space tonight, he should go right up there and force her to listen to some sense.

It wouldn't work. He knew her too well to believe that. Once Clarisse Renaldi had made up her mind about something she seldom changed it. He sighed, knowing that it was no use. Time to start making plans for himself. He'd have to leave, and it might as well be sooner as later.


	4. Chapter 5

Another of the Princess' escapades had made Elsie Kentworthy's morning news column. The Princess herself had brought this one down hard upon herself. Thankfully, Andrew had been the voice of reason and had saved the day. Good solid English chap. He had quite a life as Queen's consort ahead of him, that was for sure.

Clarisse had not shown herself in Mia's suite, nor in her own office for that matter. After consoling Mia, Joseph indicated to Charlotte that he was about to find Her Majesty and assist in whatever damage control would be necessary. Charlotte was to shadow Mia for the day and keep her out of any more trouble before her wedding, only 24 hours hence.

He knocked at the door of her suite, but received no answer. It was locked, somewhat to his surprise as even though he insisted she lock her door, she rarely bothered. Why do that, when the door was usually guarded by two members of the household?

Joseph pushed open the door gently, calling her name. No response. He walked further into the room – where was she? He looked around the sitting room, the office, with no sign of her. With some amount of trepidation he stepped to the bedroom door. Only with her presence and permission had he ever dared to enter this room, but it seemed prudent to at least peer in. He tapped on the door, and pushed it open part way. "Clarisee?"

"Yes?"

He whirled, she had come in the suite and was standing several feet behind him with a bewildered look on her face.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you?"

"With that big expensive security system you installed you couldn't find me?" She wasn't smiling, nor did she look amused.

Joseph stared at her, irritation written over his face. "I was simply worried about you. Here was the first place I thought to look."

"Now you found me. Was there something you wanted?"

He walked past her and to the door. "No. Just thought you might be upset about Mia's indiscretion and might need someone to yell at besides her." He turned and got as far as the door before her voice stopped him cold.

"My God. What has she done now?"

0-0-0-

Joseph spent the next several hours with the Queen, going over the damage control of the situation, hearing the news that Andrew still agreed to marry Mia, preparing more wedding details, but without any mention of their own personal situation.

He stayed at her side through the difficult hours, hovering, offering opinions, making plans, changing them, but never once leaving her suite. It was driving her mad, and the irritation in her manner and in her tone of voice grew stronger with each passing hour until she finally lashed out.

"Joseph, is there some reason you're not working in your own office today?" she spat at him.

He looked up from the couch where he had been making notes on a clipboard for Shades.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You. Here. All the bloody day. What's with that?"

"I thought I was being helpful."

"Well you're not. I'd like to be alone now if you please."

He stood and came to stand in front of her desk. He looked down at her but she either could not, or would not meet his gaze. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the way her hands were shaking, and the perspiration on her forehead. This was not his Clarisse.

"There's something going on with you," he said quietly.

"I'm fine."

"Clarisse, you're under a lot of strain, you've got to relax or you're going to get sick."

"I said I was fine!"

"I disagree. You are anything but fine."

"How dare you! Get out of here, right now. I said I want to be alone. Now GO!" She moved around him and went to the sitting room, hesitation only seconds before she went to the bar and poured herself a drink.

Joseph followed her, and raised his eyebrows at her choice of action. In all their years together, through all the hurts she'd experienced, he had never once seen her take a drink as a coping mechanism. "I was wrong. You are already ill."

The shaking hand seemed to calm as the liquid went down her throat. She had closed her eyes as she let the alcohol soothe her. She took a deep breath before slowly addressing her Head of Security.

"I think it's time you left, Joseph."

"No. I think I'm beginning to understand what's been happening with you lately: the erratic behaviour, the mania, and the outbursts. It's all becoming clear as I see you like this."

She narrowed her eyes. "Like what?"

"Drunk. And for the last few hours when you felt deprived because I was here you've been in withdrawal. You wanted it so bad you were even willing to let your secret out just to get to the booze. Look at you! I don't believe what I'm seeing."

Something inside her cracked as she heard his words. If they'd come from anyone else, anyone else, she could have finessed her way out of the issue. But not with Joseph. Not with the man who knew her almost better than she knew herself. Her secret was out, but she knew she was safe with him. With all the strength she could muster she looked up at him, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I need help" was all she had to whisper before he was at her side.

She handed him her glass, and he set it down on the bar. He took her in his arms and whispered "Whatever you need, I will see you get it, my darling."


	5. Chapter 6

Three months at a very posh clinic in France passed by very slowly for the former Queen of Genovia. She had been able to get through Mia's wedding and coronation, Joseph at her side, but had disappeared from public life immediately after to enter the treatment program. It had been the hardest, yet most rewarding thing she had ever done in her entire royal life, but she was more pleased with her progress than with anything else. Joseph was proud of her too, and had counted the days until he could bring her home.

There would be rough days ahead, but if anyone had the determination, drive and will to continue to recover as an alcoholic, then Clarisse Renaldi did. Her return to Genovia came slowly, as the Beach House in Mertz became home for a few weeks until she felt up to a return to the Palace in Pyrus.

The two of them stood on the terrace, overlooking the ocean, watching the sailboats returning to the marina after a day's sail. Clarisse took his hand in both of hers.

"You've stayed by me through all of this. How can I thank you?"

Joseph searched her eyes for a moment and then spoke. "No thanks necessary. You've done this yourself, and you will have to continue to do this by yourself. I'm here because I want to support you."

"Is that the only reason you've stayed?"

"You know it isn't."

"I've certainly made a mess of things, haven't I?"

Joseph put his arms around her waist and pulled her into an embrace. "The timeline is a little off, but I think we're still on track. No worries."

"I don't deserve you." She laid her head on his shoulder.

"That's what all my girlfriends say" he grinned.

She pulled back and swatted him playfully. "You tease. Seriously, I don't know why you stayed after all I put you through."

He said nothing for a moment, then decided to tell her the story.

"My mother was an alcoholic from the time I was about 10 years old. My older brother and sister saw what was happening to her but said nothing. We watched as her relationship with my father deteriorated over the years, until finally he couldn't take her drinking any more and left. It destroyed our family, and it killed my mother."

Clarisse laid a hand on his arm. "Joseph, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"No one ever has. I stayed with her for a few years, trying to make her better, but it was no use. The booze eventually killed her."

"It wasn't your fault."

"You're right. It wasn't my fault. But what happened to her shouldn't happen to anyone, and over the years, with many experiences, I've learned that people can get help, and can get their life back, and have the chance my mother never had."

He stopped, the hurt and loss still very evident in his mind. "Clarisse. You are the most precious person in the world to me. Seeing you that day so dependent on that drink scared the hell out of me. I was certain I was going to lose you, and I couldn't bare it."

They held on to each other tightly, letting their escape from their close call sink in; their tears mingling as they began their first tender kiss in many months.

"Joseph, does this mean you're giving me a second chance to accept your proposal of marriage?"

He smiled at her. "Hmm, no. I don't give second chances on proposals. It's now your turn to ask."

Her eyes widened, clearly she was unprepared to ask the question she was barely able to answer. Yet, somehow, she found the resolve deep within. "Joseph. Dear Joseph. Am I too late to ask you to accept my hand in marriage?"

"My darling, Clarisse. I thought you'd never ask."

The kiss sealed their promise to each other, that richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until in death they would part, they would forever bind themselves together in love and marriage.

**The End.**

_A/N Hope you liked the story. Please let me know!_


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